Kate Shavel has been a blessing in my life. She is such positive liver. She makes the most of everyday and is not blind to the beauty in little things. I love that in her and she helps me to see goodness in myself and in life. I am lucky to be me.
Monday, November 23, 2009
"Oh, members of the Church of the Big Ring! Preach me pain!"
So its thanksgiving break and I came home to Utah to visit some much missed food, friends, and family. Coming home gave me a bit of anxiety. I felt like I havnt been gone very long, and nothing about Ogden seems to have changed that much. Things are still cool here and all my friends hair is just a bit longer, but its still the same Ogden. Pretty in its same ways. I raced the cross races here this weekend and loved it. But coming back to Ogden really has me thinking how much I love Durango, How perfect Fort Lewis College is for me, and how lucky I am to be on the FLC Cycling team with such neat fast people. I may not be able to go to school next semester, but I plan on staying in Durango and working so I can gain my residency in Colorado and save some money for next summer semester. I am happy to feel happy if you know what I mean. Last winter I seemed to have vanished in a thick mist of change and have finally found my out again fresh, new, and enthusiastic about my future. I still fight negative self talk and self hatred, but daily find self love, and am mindful of what is and that "it" is what it is and thats just fine. Life is beautiful. I am a beautiful person. I can achieve much, and I can spread happiness too others.
Friday, September 18, 2009
Durango Diva
Although I have never muttered to myself more often in my life the sentance, "Freaking hippies!" I sent a text out this morning to my new coach Matt Shriver saying, "Matt... I think I'm in love... With DURANGO!" Regardless of all the "its cool to be cool" chaco wearing pot head rock climbers. I woke up one of the first days I was here on my ridiculously uncomfortable dorm matress and the words of a bright eyes song came into my head, "Everything must belong somewhere, I know that now, that's why I'm staying here." As usual I am facing some financial set backs but somehow things are working out very well. This place is beautiful. There are so many great people here and I have made some great friends. Matt and Dave are awesome coaches and I feel I can instill a lot of trust in them. They do a lot of hard work for us. Last weekend I got to train on the 7-eleven Olympic Velodrome in Colorado Springs. The experience gave a me a dash of vertigo because your biking on an incline of like 45 degrees with people like Kerry Higgins, a female world champion, staring at you funny behind a polite smile because I so obviously was/am a n00b with a look of "awh" on my face. But I felt so privlaged at the opportunity. Before I came here I was experiencing a lot of depression from lack of structure and purpose as a human in life, but this place gives me meaning. I have done some volunteering here that has opened up a can of opportunities as well. For example this weekend is the Single Speed World Championships are in Durango. My friend Kate Shavel and me are coarse marshaling. Its fun to be a part of the action and you get to meet a lot of people.
Along with class, studying and homework, training, volunteering, socializing, and racing, I am trying to find a job. So far the only offer I have is at McDonalds... LAAAME. But hey. Money is money.
Along with class, studying and homework, training, volunteering, socializing, and racing, I am trying to find a job. So far the only offer I have is at McDonalds... LAAAME. But hey. Money is money.
Friday, July 3, 2009
Kind of Depressing
Do you ever have those mornings where you wake up and just feel depressed? Like you are just a waste of space, time, breath, life...? Thats me. Almost daily. Sure some days I dont really notice. Really I dont feel at all some days. I just wake up and go ride. I put myself through massive amounts of pain on my bike and for what... I dont know? Just holding on to something I guess. Cant wait to go to school. Need the structure. Life... hmm haah!
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The Essay I Wrote for the Cycling Scholorship at FLC
I stood in my birthday dress with ribbons in my crimped red hair anxiously staring at my new two-wheeled toy all pretty and pink with sparkling tassel-bar ends. I immediately took it out, too impatient to wait for someone to teach me how it all worked. I vividly remember gaining speed going down a hill and panicking when seeing what seemed to be a 10 foot curb in front of me. I clearly didn’t understand the concept of coaster breaks or turning, and bam! I "end-o'ed" over the curb on my cute new bike and busted up the bones in my chin. That experience put a fear in me, and riding a bike was something I wouldn’t be doing again until my early teens.
At the beginning of my sophomore year in high school I had been training for my first marathon when two of my friends were telling me about how they would be riding bicycles 100 miles with their dads. Always up for a new adventure, I was intrigued and said I would like to give it a try. These guys didn’t seem to have much confidence in my abilities, but I signed up online and borrowed some old steel frame bicycle with mustache handle bars, down tube shifters, and a tattered Brooke’s saddle. I bought myself some “padded butt shorts," got a ride down with the boys and was off on my 100 mile journey. It was hot, it was hard, and it hurt really badly, but I did it. AND I did it faster than the nay-sayers. (Goes to show you don’t tell this red head she can’t do something.) I spent the whole next week at school loving my tan lines and feeling liberated!
My first century made me hopelessly infatuated with the bicycle and had me frequently visiting the cafe of a local bike shop. One day a friend who worked there rolled out a sexy Italian, fully lugged, steel, sea-foam green, Bianchi bicycle, and said, “You’re going to race on this next week at the Ogden cash criterium!” This is how my racing got started. I got dropped, learned a little about pain, did a road race, got dropped, did more local crits, got closer to not getting dropped, and Whoa! I didn’t get dropped! With subsequent time and technical practice, I overcame my irrational fear of curbs. I learned a lot about tactics, was given a Carmichael Training Systems book (The Ultimate Ride), and started on my path of gaining speed and fitness. This was one of the happiest periods of my life.
My high school graduation came and I thought a grand adventure would help me escape certain heartaches and problems, so I moved to France to be a nanny. I was excited to have that adventure. However, I encountered a lot of red tape, dealt with several instances of miscommunication and misunderstandings, and faced some unexpected financial issues. I wasn't at all sorry for having taken that leap, but I was also happy to return to my extremely beautiful home in Ogden, Utah where I could again ride a bike.
Upon my return I was still dealing with circumstances I needed to overcome. I found that commuting and racing CycloCross on my single speed Specialized was what gave me a reason to keep plugging away through the cold Utah winter and through my mist of dense, confusing change. I had a few good friends that frequently reminded me to not take myself so seriously and to look at my situation with some perspective while others were tempting me with temporary fixes. I had a lot to decide about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.
It was during my first CycloCross state championships that it came time for me to make an important decision. I remember it vividly. I was jockeying for 1st place in the women’s B category. I could practically hear my legs and lungs screaming and see my heart's maxed pulse on the course in front of me. I could feel the energy of onlookers and my competitors hunting me all while my mind was rapidly disputing whether or not I would give into my tremendous physical pain; Was I going to give in to the phobia of a curb, to the heart break of broken relationships, to the hurt of failure, being poor, having a difficult family situation, negativity, pressure? — No way!! I wanted to see my cup as half full, and use my challenges as an opportunity to rise and soar on the wings of my dreams.
I am now more stable in my independence and am both honored and excited to have the opportunity to continue my education and racing at Fort Lewis College. Cycling has become my passion and a way for me to express my deepest joys. I cherish the comfort of its community, and I thrive on the opportunity to improve myself physically, emotionally, and academically. I am choosing to major in sports science and business because one day I would like partake in running a cool bike shop or training system where I can continually give back to cycling what it has given to me on and off the saddle.
At the beginning of my sophomore year in high school I had been training for my first marathon when two of my friends were telling me about how they would be riding bicycles 100 miles with their dads. Always up for a new adventure, I was intrigued and said I would like to give it a try. These guys didn’t seem to have much confidence in my abilities, but I signed up online and borrowed some old steel frame bicycle with mustache handle bars, down tube shifters, and a tattered Brooke’s saddle. I bought myself some “padded butt shorts," got a ride down with the boys and was off on my 100 mile journey. It was hot, it was hard, and it hurt really badly, but I did it. AND I did it faster than the nay-sayers. (Goes to show you don’t tell this red head she can’t do something.) I spent the whole next week at school loving my tan lines and feeling liberated!
My first century made me hopelessly infatuated with the bicycle and had me frequently visiting the cafe of a local bike shop. One day a friend who worked there rolled out a sexy Italian, fully lugged, steel, sea-foam green, Bianchi bicycle, and said, “You’re going to race on this next week at the Ogden cash criterium!” This is how my racing got started. I got dropped, learned a little about pain, did a road race, got dropped, did more local crits, got closer to not getting dropped, and Whoa! I didn’t get dropped! With subsequent time and technical practice, I overcame my irrational fear of curbs. I learned a lot about tactics, was given a Carmichael Training Systems book (The Ultimate Ride), and started on my path of gaining speed and fitness. This was one of the happiest periods of my life.
My high school graduation came and I thought a grand adventure would help me escape certain heartaches and problems, so I moved to France to be a nanny. I was excited to have that adventure. However, I encountered a lot of red tape, dealt with several instances of miscommunication and misunderstandings, and faced some unexpected financial issues. I wasn't at all sorry for having taken that leap, but I was also happy to return to my extremely beautiful home in Ogden, Utah where I could again ride a bike.
Upon my return I was still dealing with circumstances I needed to overcome. I found that commuting and racing CycloCross on my single speed Specialized was what gave me a reason to keep plugging away through the cold Utah winter and through my mist of dense, confusing change. I had a few good friends that frequently reminded me to not take myself so seriously and to look at my situation with some perspective while others were tempting me with temporary fixes. I had a lot to decide about who I wanted to be and what I wanted to do.
It was during my first CycloCross state championships that it came time for me to make an important decision. I remember it vividly. I was jockeying for 1st place in the women’s B category. I could practically hear my legs and lungs screaming and see my heart's maxed pulse on the course in front of me. I could feel the energy of onlookers and my competitors hunting me all while my mind was rapidly disputing whether or not I would give into my tremendous physical pain; Was I going to give in to the phobia of a curb, to the heart break of broken relationships, to the hurt of failure, being poor, having a difficult family situation, negativity, pressure? — No way!! I wanted to see my cup as half full, and use my challenges as an opportunity to rise and soar on the wings of my dreams.
I am now more stable in my independence and am both honored and excited to have the opportunity to continue my education and racing at Fort Lewis College. Cycling has become my passion and a way for me to express my deepest joys. I cherish the comfort of its community, and I thrive on the opportunity to improve myself physically, emotionally, and academically. I am choosing to major in sports science and business because one day I would like partake in running a cool bike shop or training system where I can continually give back to cycling what it has given to me on and off the saddle.
Friday, June 12, 2009
On the threshold to a new chapter in my young life...
I was just recently accepted to attend Fort Lewis College in Durango, CO where I will be furthering my education and RACING! Yes, that’s right. I will be racing under well known coach Matt Shriver. Check out there page. http://cycling.fortlewis.edu/ I am just a little anxious for this next chapter of my life. I am mostly ready for it though I should think. I am registered for classes, I’ve submitted my FAFSA forms for student aid, and written a scholarship essay. In the mean while I am trying to earn some cash so that I can pay for my housing (the first year I have to live on campus) and other expenses of getting there. (On that note; need someone to cut your lawn, wash your dishes… give me a few bucks and I would love too)…
ANY ways in the meanwhile, I am training and racing. I just recently received my upgrade into the pro 1-2-3s. I raced my first race as a 3 at the Sugar House Crit. I did an attack on request of a teammate a tad too early, was counter attacked, and got dropped. Disappointed with the result I decided to jump in and race with the mens 3s. Heck, why not? I hung with them very impressively until the race officials called the prime lap… It was only five laps in, but I had had my fun. Riding with the boys, I hate to say, was much cooler than riding with the gals… But that’s another story. My teammate Jamie pulled a fantastic sprint finish and finished 3rd!
I took the next race, The Garden Creek Gap off to help. I was the follow car for the women’s 1-2-3s and learned a lot about my competitors. Luckily there were no flats. The one crash that occurred was minor and the girls involved in it got back on their bikes and finished the race. Very impressive.
I got on my bike again the next weekend for the State TT. Although I don’t have an aero helmet or bars I managed to scrounge up a helmet…no bars but, I got out there and killed it… or got killed to be more accurate. I had to make do with no aero bars. I think I gave my legs to Karen and that’s why she dominated the field, I came in at 47 minutes for a 30 k. And considering my power was zapped I was satisfied with the result. I really had to push myself mentally and had my first experience of real tunnel vision… It was insane. …
BUT I learned from my TT experience that I am experiencing what cyclist call “burn out” or “Over Training” So I took a much needed recovery week with slower tempo rides. The recent decision of Utah weather to no longer be a desert, but a rainy oasis, helped keep me off the bike as well, but only sent me on the trails to run where I tweeked my knee. However it is healing quickly. And I plan to start a more structured training plan this week so that I can peak my fitness and speed for when I race Twilight. (Twilight is a pro NRC points criterium race in Boise, ID.) So with the advice of my knowledgeable friend Chuck I should be ready to rock!
All of the training I do this summer I am sure will only help my success at Fort Lewis. Matt Shriver will be my coach. I will have a month to month training plan set up by him. I am most excited that I may have the opportunity to be racing on the track. Matt says that a few team members will be sent to Colorado Springs to train on the velodrome of the Olympic Training Center. Then from there he will be choosing a team to take to Pennsylvania to race on the honcho track there. This will be a great opportunity for me. Because racing on the track could be a door for me to move up in the Cycling racing world I would like to get on one even before I make the final move to Durango. So I am thinking that after Twilight in Boise I may continue on the road up to Oregon where I could perhaps race on the track there.….
The term starts August 31st so I will be leaving for school a week in advance. I am still unsure of how I will get there, but I know something will work out. I am anxious, nervous, afraid, and excited while I stand on the threshold to this new chapter of my life, but am greatful for the blessing and opportunities cycling continues to give me on and off the bike.
ANY ways in the meanwhile, I am training and racing. I just recently received my upgrade into the pro 1-2-3s. I raced my first race as a 3 at the Sugar House Crit. I did an attack on request of a teammate a tad too early, was counter attacked, and got dropped. Disappointed with the result I decided to jump in and race with the mens 3s. Heck, why not? I hung with them very impressively until the race officials called the prime lap… It was only five laps in, but I had had my fun. Riding with the boys, I hate to say, was much cooler than riding with the gals… But that’s another story. My teammate Jamie pulled a fantastic sprint finish and finished 3rd!
I took the next race, The Garden Creek Gap off to help. I was the follow car for the women’s 1-2-3s and learned a lot about my competitors. Luckily there were no flats. The one crash that occurred was minor and the girls involved in it got back on their bikes and finished the race. Very impressive.
I got on my bike again the next weekend for the State TT. Although I don’t have an aero helmet or bars I managed to scrounge up a helmet…no bars but, I got out there and killed it… or got killed to be more accurate. I had to make do with no aero bars. I think I gave my legs to Karen and that’s why she dominated the field, I came in at 47 minutes for a 30 k. And considering my power was zapped I was satisfied with the result. I really had to push myself mentally and had my first experience of real tunnel vision… It was insane. …
BUT I learned from my TT experience that I am experiencing what cyclist call “burn out” or “Over Training” So I took a much needed recovery week with slower tempo rides. The recent decision of Utah weather to no longer be a desert, but a rainy oasis, helped keep me off the bike as well, but only sent me on the trails to run where I tweeked my knee. However it is healing quickly. And I plan to start a more structured training plan this week so that I can peak my fitness and speed for when I race Twilight. (Twilight is a pro NRC points criterium race in Boise, ID.) So with the advice of my knowledgeable friend Chuck I should be ready to rock!
All of the training I do this summer I am sure will only help my success at Fort Lewis. Matt Shriver will be my coach. I will have a month to month training plan set up by him. I am most excited that I may have the opportunity to be racing on the track. Matt says that a few team members will be sent to Colorado Springs to train on the velodrome of the Olympic Training Center. Then from there he will be choosing a team to take to Pennsylvania to race on the honcho track there. This will be a great opportunity for me. Because racing on the track could be a door for me to move up in the Cycling racing world I would like to get on one even before I make the final move to Durango. So I am thinking that after Twilight in Boise I may continue on the road up to Oregon where I could perhaps race on the track there.….
The term starts August 31st so I will be leaving for school a week in advance. I am still unsure of how I will get there, but I know something will work out. I am anxious, nervous, afraid, and excited while I stand on the threshold to this new chapter of my life, but am greatful for the blessing and opportunities cycling continues to give me on and off the bike.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I will find my fears and face them...
Like anyone else I fear failure. I want things to be a certain way. I dream and do what I can to make my dreams reality. But what happens when they dont. Panic grips my body-- my hearts a humming bird. But, I will find my fears and face them. Look failure in the face and not cower. Come what may. I'll ride away... ride away...
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
Bear Lake RR
Oohhh! the lake of Bears, the Bears of a Lake, and that darned 52 mile loop around it. Doing that lap in a Team Time Trial (TTT).... you might as well be... well, ...mauled by a bear, lake that is....
Okay, so I'll try to make some sense now.... The Bear Lake road race was a blast! I won the RR and that gave me enough points to upgrade so now I will be racing the pro women 1-2-3s. Eeeeeks! I loved being there. I meat tons of cool people, and team mates. We finally got our super women kits. They look great. I'll let you know how my first 1-2-3 race goes after words.
Okay, so I'll try to make some sense now.... The Bear Lake road race was a blast! I won the RR and that gave me enough points to upgrade so now I will be racing the pro women 1-2-3s. Eeeeeks! I loved being there. I meat tons of cool people, and team mates. We finally got our super women kits. They look great. I'll let you know how my first 1-2-3 race goes after words.
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